Adult Children

Lately, I've worked with several individuals who consider themselves, because they do not know how to deal with their adult children.

Some were concerned about problems in relationships, and others with financial operations. Still others are concerned that the adult child has or is making. Several pairs of the boundaries and respect for the difficulties. Dealing with family members can be difficult at times. Some parents want to be "just like my parents" and others want to be "nothing like my parents." Some review of children as a gift, others as a burden. There are parents who want to be friends with their children and parents who do not want to have any contact with them. Some parents treat their children like a child "little adults" or "puppets". Others treat their adult children as babies.

transition from childhood to adulthood is kind of like a foot on the dock and one foot in the canoe. If you do not or can not decide where you want to be, you're going to get wet! Many teens want to be treated as adults and, at the same time, they have all the privileges of his youth. They would like to make their own decisions, but still want to have their needs and wishes of the parents pay. If this pattern continues the relationship becomes more complicated than necessary. I know parents who give money regularly to their adult children who have high incomes. Some adult children "visit" their parents, but they are treated in a disrespectful manner. Others live with the expectation that parents' Last Will and Testament will be like winning "lottery ticket", which will cover the debts that were built in the meantime. Many children have the concept of "us" who think that what the parent is "ours". I remember is one of my children's teenage friends to chat with his father about the money. He said: "But dad, we are rich." His father calmly replied: "No, I'm rich. You are poor "!

Some parents are afraid of upsetting their children, losing their "friendship" or does not meet the expectations they hold for her role as a parent. They are attached to "must" "have tos" and "musts". It is easy for their adult children to scare them to get their needs. When parents give a child a parent is not always doing so in a healthy way. The result may include the provision of anger, worry or fear. When the family business together, problems can intensify. Where are the limits? When we go out to lunch together, who pays? If there is a divorce in the family, so everyone will treat each other? Can a business continue? My son is a computer expert. I often ask him to work for me. Sometimes I can not account, and sometimes he says he can not pay, "Mommy rates". I do not charge for costs associated with sleeping in a guest room in my apartment, eating my food, or riding in my car when I visit, and some people could be expected not to work on computer for free, because my son. My solution is that it pays the same amount of time that would have paid another business person for activities that would otherwise contracts. I did not pay for things that he thinks I might like if I hired someone else to do the same thing. I according to their skills in a business way, but his visit as I would any other guest.

One of the most important things to do with adult children is to talk with them about the relationship. Do not be afraid to ask them what their plans for independence were having a career and still lives at home. You do not have to continue paying for them, but you May have to help them understand that things have changed when they started earning income. One of the topics for discussion is the limit. Do you still want to have a key to your house? How do you decide who pays for Sunday lunch after church? Will you allow them to make their own decisions - even when they seem to be headed for trouble? If the kids are grown, they used to talk to other people about their relationships, needs and desires. Treat them as adults, but in exchange, they expect respect from them. Kids can be tough and demanding and dependent from time to time. Adults should be responsible, respectful and independent. How to deal with adult children? Any way you want, as long as it is healthy for you and for them. If you need assistance with registration contact a psychologist who has training and experience in solving problems.